So once again loved and hurt. Again put myself in a mess that I try to get out of. Is it difficult to trust someone with your heart? Is it fair for the next person in my life, who may be trustworthy, to go through a thorough investigation process. By the end of it he might just get fed up. The words ‘I’ll never leave you.’ will never mean the same again if coming from who, probably, loves you. But because of the wall that you have built due to previous bad experiences, you may not be able to see it through a peephole.
So why and how do I get into this mess? Answer is simple. Like most, I seek companion ship. Somebody to be with and don’t have to try hard to impress. Where I can be myself and still be loved. And so when I do like someone, I only dream about the good things that will come. I think of the positives of being with that person. And with this I prepare myself, how I would act or react or behave. All good!
But, I’ve ignored the BAD. I forgot to think about the situations that are negative. What would happen if a predicament arises where I need to choose between him and sticking to my standards. Will I neglect what I stand by only because I love the good times he and I have shared? Will I forego the right only because the times I’ve been happy with the little companionship that he gave me. The answer is a big, wrong YES! I’m not about to lose that because of this. Sadly, the fear within me of losing that one thing that gives me a happiness gets the better of me. Tacking the dilemma becomes difficult.
But, Lo Behold! He starts losing interest and respect for moi (French for me)! More arguments, more excuses, more ‘you don’t understand me at all’. That’s all I get to hear. Then the emotional blackmailing and then the overload on your brain thinking what happened and why it happened.
So the actual question to ask here is “Why did I allow this to take over my life?”. I’m not against love, I’m just against the idea of what love should be. And losing your identity ain’t one of them (wished I could show but I do this whole snapping the finger and swaying it forming an S in the air. LOL! Those who know me can relate).
Why forget who I am for few seconds of happiness. After these heart aches, I normally moan and say I don’t believe in love. But the actual truth is love gives hope, a sense of purpose to live for most people – Unconsciously! Give it a thought. The whole warm fuzzy feeling inside is, actually, you appreciating life.
They say, “Be yourself”. There is a reason. We change the moment we find love. We start ‘EXPECTING’. This is only because we see things around us happen and so want the same to happen to us. Do not compare and you will be happy. They also say, “Be happy with you have”. Makes any sense?
We all share the same kind of problems and issues in love life. Somehow we see other people making mistakes and do not learn from it. There is no manual on love or life that you can follow. There is no rule that you need to stick. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and experiences. Those who hurt me – Thank you! If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be this strong.
Love is a feeling not a responsibility. Love has to be felt and not to be fulfilled as a duty. Continue to love as all this world needs is Love!